he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
