Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
