Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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