well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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