I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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