There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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