is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
