just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
