smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
