the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
