if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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