I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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