I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
