I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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