when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
