just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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