Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
