I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My orgasm happened in two different decades
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
