Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
