i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
