her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
