Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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