Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
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