im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In other news, I just burned my penis
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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