I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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