its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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