I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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