so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
