remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
