he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
