Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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