Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
