you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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