3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
