I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize