why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
