Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
