i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
