thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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