It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
