Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
