i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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