Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
