hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
