dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
