at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
