Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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