i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
