1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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