Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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