Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sacagawea was the original milf.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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