Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
