Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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