i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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