My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
