So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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