She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone came in the potted fern
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
