All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
not ubering you a puppy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
