If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
