Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
