I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
