did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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