I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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