I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
