To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
