We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
