i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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