just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
