I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
