Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
