I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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