There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
