Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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