I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
