Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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