Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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