Your face is a jimmy john
it hurts more in the daytime
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
