We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
