dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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