and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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