Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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