ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
