I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
