did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
