I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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