I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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