you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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