Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
