Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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