Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well I just put wine in my tea
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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