so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize