I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
