i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize